Learning

Choices-things I wish I knew back then
I don't know if I really ever understood the impact that a single choice would have on my life. A single choice like choosing to not get into a car, choosing to not drink something, choosing to go to school at a certain place, or choosing to go to the gym; these are all choices I've had to make and as a result, live with the consequences whether they be good or bad.

There are choices I've made that I can look back at and know that they have greatly impacted my life. I call these active choices. There are other choices that I make based upon lifestyle, or choices that I continue to make based upon my youth or the way I was raised. I call these passive choices because the choice was made previously and so the choice really has already been made.

Choosing to be Healthy

One choice I made when I was young was to keep my body clean. I would have control over what I put in my mouth and what chemicals I allowed to enter my body. I had heroes, people I looked up to that were great examples to me. They weren't superstars on a national or global level per se with the exception of one basketball star, but they were guys older than me who set great examples. Guys like Bobby Griffitts and Caleb Zimmerman were who I tried to pattern my life after. I faced the realization that I might never be the athletes they were, but I could treat my body in such a way that I could perform to the best of my ability whenever, wherever.

Choosing to live this way allowed me to do many things. First of all, my head was always clear. I was able to do well in school without having to overexert myself. I never had to worry about being hung over or not be able to drive myself home. My parents were not worried that I was in a bad place and that gave me greater freedom as a teenager. They allowed me to do more things and to have fewer restrictions.

As a person in their late 20's I still see the effects of this. One of the biggest things are the ability to control ones diet and how that affects everything from sleep to weight to self control in other aspects of life. Another is the consumption of alcohol. I work in an industry where alcohol is at nearly every social event. I saw the company I worked for in one night spend $30,000 alone on alcohol. That was for a group of about 400 drinkers. On top of that they had to provide accomodations for everyone present so there was another $300+ per room. Made for an expensive night. What is fun to some is not for others. I don't mind those who choose to drink and I don't judge them for it. Most of my closest friends that I work with drink their fair share and that is fine, I don't care. I just know that it has worked for me to choose to stay clean. I've never had a DUI or lost my license. I've never had to wake up hung over. My liver is clean.

Dating pressures

The pressure we put on ourselves and others as a social group is immense. Within the church we know that one of the things that we need to do in our progression is to get married. As males we serve the mission, work hard hopefully, and the last thing we are told by our mission presidents to go home and get to finding that special someone. Often we do this without finding ourselves first. The mission is good for finding ourselves spiritually and enhancing our knowledge of the gospel, but they don't always do a lot for finding our careers and what we will do for work the rest of our lives. We may find things we are good at or enjoy doing, but when your focus is on serving, you really don't know what you want to do. You may want to be a doctor, an engineer, or a lawyer, but realistically do we really "know" this? How much experience does the average missionary have in any of these fields, unless their dad did it and he let us hang around the office for hours on end just to learn and study. I don't think this is realistic.

When missionaries come home there is no reason they cannot take some "me" time. There is no hurry to make perhaps the single most important choice that will affect their ETERNITY. Think about the weight of that decision. Have you ever thought about what that choice will bring in your life? I don't know if I ever stopped to really try and understand the impact that it would have on my life. Of course looking back I can now see that, but at the time I did not and I wish that I would have. Everything is affected in your life by the choice you make in picking a spouse.

As a LDS culture we do not live together before getting married, nor do I encourage it. I do however encourage dating for a long period of time if you think that this might be a person you could marry. You need to see each other in as many situations as possible in order to see how that person will respond and know if that is something you can live with. What you don't realize when you are twitterpated is that you have some heavy blinders on. You see the good in this person who you are convinced is perfect in every way. This is good, you should see the good in this person, however you should also be able to step back and see this person objectively and recognize the different qualities, strengths, and weaknesses in them and know if this is what you are looking for.

I do not want you to think that I am saying to put them under a microscope, but I am saying that because of the weight of this decision you need to make this choice with a clear and rational mind.

It's OK to be different

As a teenager and as I've grown older, I have come to realize that it is okay to be different. So many of my peers just wanted to fit in. They wanted to be in the cool crowd, have the cool friends. They wanted acceptance at the expense of whatever it took to be in that crowd. Unfortunately I still see it. I see coworkers who are willing to do things they probably wouldn't, just to be liked.

I was lucky. I have been blessed with a different body. I was 6'5" by the time I was a sophomore in high school. I have flaming red hair. I have a pretty loud personality. I like to talk to people and I love to meet new people and make friends fairly quickly. I get this from my dad and his dad. Grandpa knows everyone, and everyone seems to know Grandpa. My dad can make friends with just about anyone. It is a great blessing for them, and also a great blessing for me. I love knowing I stand out in crowds. It has allowed me to be someone for people to look to, and I have felt that keenly at times. I especially feel it now, as a father, as a coach to the young men's basketball team, and as a newly called Cub Scout Leader.

Trust your Feelings Luke

Growing up with the first name Luke, of course I heard all of the Star Wars lines. One that still sticks with me is "trust your feelings Luke." In a world where everyone wants to be politically correct, we have been blessed with the knowledge that there is right and wrong. Every person born on this earth has something inside of them that speaks to their mind and lets them know good and bad. I have felt that feeling many times. I can't say I have always listened to it, but I know it is there and it is a feeling I can trust. I know that when I make mistakes I need to learn from them and move on. I cannot change the past, but I can feel bad for what I have done, and choose to be better tomorrow and not make the same mistake again.

Dwelling on the mistakes you have made will get you nowhere unless you allow it to motivate you to be better. A forgetful memory when bad things happen will be your best friend. You must be able to forgive yourself of the things you have done wrong and forget them. This is easier said than done, but it is possible. Sometimes talking about it with a trusted person just to get it off of your chest can be a huge relief. Talking about it with a church leader can also help and in some cases might be the only way to feel fully forgiven. You need to know what works for you.